When I used to tell people that I had 3 boys, their comment was always, “You’ve got your hands full”, to which I always replied, “No, actually, I’m the handful”. Granted, my boys were lively, but, if my energy could’ve been bottled, whew…..I ran circles around those tikes.
As a single Mother, my constant concerns were providing the standard necessities; keeping food in the fridge, and the utilities on. And, I worked extremely long hours to do that. But, I often wondered what type of men I was raising, given my absence, so I tried to instill certain core values in them at every opportunity.
I didn’t want them to see things my way, I wanted them to be independent thinkers. I wanted them to think things through, with rationale, and reasoning. I wanted them to care not only about themselves, but, about others, and their feelings. I wanted them to know that life wasn’t easy, and, nothing was free. Honest work, for honest pay.
I had my 1st son, 1 month after my 19th birthday. I was fairly young, but, luckily, very responsible. Before I hit 30yrs old, I was overly concerned with the fact, that if I didn’t do my job properly as a mother, I could be a Grandma at 35. The mere thought just killed me. Grandma’s aren’t 35, they’re 65. They don’t work 12hr days to put food on the table, they’re retired, and spend their days baking cookies, doing crossword puzzles, and traveling the world. So, I knew that I needed to do my part, to make sure that that didn’t happen.
There’s a saying among parents, that pointedly states: “When you have a boy, you only have 1 penis to worry about, but, when you have a girl, you have to worry about all of them”. That statement rang so true to me, that I decided that the 3 penises that I was responsible for, weren’t going to be dropping their proverbial “pole” in the gene pool, and adding to another parents anxiety, any time soon.
When my boys were young, I had only 1 rule for tv viewing. I didn’t care about them watching anything violent, because I believe that violence breeds violence, much like, hate breeds hate, and, I’ve never been violent, or hateful, that just wasn’t me. If they wanted to watch a horror, that was fine too, unless they became afraid of the dark, or, started waking me up in the middle of the night, because they “had a bad dream”. Then it would’ve stop, but, neither of those ever happened. My only rule for the tv, was nothing sexually explicit.
I didn’t want my boys to be shallow, or, think that girls were something to be objectified. I didn’t want them to be like most other boys, who “hit it, then quit it”. I wanted my boys to understand the true value of a respectable girl. I wanted them to look beyond the sex, the pretty, the superficial, the trophy. I wanted them to find a girl that was going to help them grow as a person. Someone who would feed their mind, and, their spirit. I wanted them to look for a girl that had the same values, and, to understand that more-often-than-not, it wasn’t going to be found in girls that “got around”.
I wanted to teach them to be self-sufficient, so they were never dependent on a girlfriend/wife, to feed them, or, provide them with clean underwear. I wanted them to choose a girl for the right reasons, not because they couldn’t survive without one. I wanted them to choose a girl for love, and, for life. Not simply one that they had fun with, looked good, or, “put out”.
I wanted to raise my boys in such a way, that one day, their in-laws would be proud to call them “Son”. Knowing that he would always take care of their Little Girl, who had waited so long for “Mr. Right”, without giving in, to “Mr. Right Now”.
I wanted them to look for things, that I wished I had looked deeper for, as a young woman. Honesty, sincerity, love. It wasn’t until I hit adulthood, that I realized my value, my worth, as a woman. That’s not to say that I slept around, but, insecurity will make you do things that you regret, and, sometimes those regrets happen in mid act.
For you girls, I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. One that you may not have considered before. Sometimes those same boys that are out to have sex, are actually being pressured by their peers to do so. And, if they were strong enough to stand up to their friends, neither one of you would be feeling the pressure of having sex. Quite often, their feelings for a girl are innocent, and real. But, due to their friends prodding, and pressure, sometimes, to “save face” with the guys, a boy will put pressure on a girl. So, it takes the same strength of will, and self-confidence, from these boys, to tell their friends that they’re not going to do that. In fact, usually within a group, you’ve got 1 leader, and a lot of “yes” men, and, the only reason that the “yes” men go along with the leader, is because there isn’t 1 amongst them, that has big enough gnads, to tell him no. So, it isn’t until someone finally has the courage to speak up, that the “yes” men are no longer pressured to do things that they didn’t want to do in the first place. And, hence, a newer, nicer, leader is born. So, maybe you girls need to put some pressure on your guys, to grow a couple, and, stand up to the “bully” of the group.
As a parent, it really doesn’t matter if you have a son, or, a daughter. The only thing that truly matters, is that they are raised with a feeling of self-worth, and that they know that their values matter. Maybe not to all, but, definitely to those people of value. Teach them to be respectful Leaders, and, not blind Followers, so that they don’t take crap from their peers. Make them understand that love is the ultimate prize, and, that sex doesn’t equal love, and, that they might be young today, but, tomorrow, they’re gonna be old.
And, for those boys out there that would propagate false rumors, to prove you’re a man, ya better watch out, ’cause all of those same girls that you lied about, might just have to set the record straight, by letting everyone know, that while they didn’t have sex with you, they do know, for fact, that you have a small penis. So, for Pete(r)’s sake, save yourself the embarrassment (and, her the pressure!), and, keep it in your pants!!