A Yellow Snow (follow-up) Moral

The snow came down, just like they said,
2-4 inches, right on the head

Toasty & warm, it was so nice
‘Til the text came in, “Hey, I need a ride”

I looked outside, to sheets of white
What the hell, this isn’t right

How to respond, what do I say
“Call a guy, ‘cause hell, no way”

“Have you no friends to call instead”
I want to stay, and drink beer in bed

Drat’s that man for asking me
I know I’m gonna hit a tree

Ugh!

2hrs into the onslaught, I’m in my car of ice
With more than trepidation, I pray they cancel the flight

I approach the road with much dismay
Bumper cars? Hey, on the way.

Is the highway really the place to be
70, doesn’t sound good to me

As I enter the onramp, with a white knuckle grip
Oh how I pray these tires don’t slip

The traffic’s at 40, they’re in no hurry here
And, I left home early, with much time to spare

I slip, then I grip, then I coast, and I slide
What would be the price for this wild ride?

I pray those behind me, don’t follow my tracks
The road here is straight, but, I’ve cut a switchback

I arrive at the airport, 9:20 you say
Without a minute to spare, I’m on-time, no way

The night schedule’s short, 9 flights in, none out
So, I wait in my car, as it’s 22 out

The next text comes in, “we’re still at the gate”
What the hell can I do, so I sit here and wait

Then 2hrs after, my short trip begins
The plane’s in the air, they won’t be socked in

When they finally touch down, and the bag’s in my car
He takes over the wheel, as we won’t travel far

Being from the mid-west, he can handle the snow
So he puts it in drive, and then off we go

Back on the freeway, with cars up ahead
He approaches with caution, the brake lights of red

He then inches over, he’s trying to pass
He lets the car coast, then gives it some gas

Our ass end it swings, first left, then swings right
Then harder it swings, like a pendulums flight

He’s cranking the wheel, over-correcting I think
Then it all happened, as quick as a blink

Like a deer in the road, I face oncoming lights
Now, we’re going backwards, boy this isn’t right

I shouldn’t be here, but be home instead
By my fire all toasty, or snug up in bed

But instead, I am stuck on the side of the road
I’m freezing my ass off, ankle deep in the snow

Thank God we’re alive, nearly been in a wreak
But, the cold air it hits me, as I get out to check

I knew I could make it, but, still had to go
And before I knew it, it started to flow

I wanted to stop it, oh how I tried
I could’ve just sat, in my own pee and cried

Like a kid on the playground, that still wants to play
Without interruption, I shrank 4 feet that day

With my bladder relieved, I slunk into my car
And prayed not to stink up, the inside of the car

I was bathing in warmth, so I turned off the heat
And, sat on my hands to keep my ass off the seat

When we finally reached home, and because of the flood
I couldn’t open my door, from my hands loss of blood

My friend, he just laughed, from the look on my face
He couldn’t get out, he was frozen in place

I wanted inside, to get out of this heat
But, instead I just sat there, and peed on my seat

Not to be outdone, he just laughed while I cried
And, he peed on my seat, while he sat at my side

My car was now dangerous, toxic at best
So, we both scurried out, to get out of this mess

Once in the house, we were stat with our showers
Then drank beer by the fire, as we sat there for hours

As we stared out the window, at the snow sheet of white
He said, “Only a fool would be driving tonight”

This story is true friend, ne’er every word
To tell you I peed on myself, how absurd

Only a fool would confess, such embarrassing things
For sheer entertainment, what good would that bring?

The moral is this, should you take any away
Just heed my advice, as there’s no more to say

Before you go driving in snow for a friend
Just buy plastic sheets, it’ll make sense in the end

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We Don’t Like No Stinking Snow (either)!

We failed to see the dawn today
They say that snow is on the way

The sky is cloudy, and wind is cold
2-4, we’re being told

So, grab your beer, and grab your bread
Apparently, there’s snow ahead

Find your mittens, find your gloves
Find your parka, find your Ugs

Salt your walks, and cover your car
If you’re trapped where you’re at, I hope it’s a bar

But, if you drive, just chain your tires
I’ll be home, beside my fire

And, I won’t go out, once it falls
‘Cause it’s cold outside as Frosty’s balls

But, if you decide to frolic & play
For you, I have one thing to say

When the cold air hits ya & you have to go
Write your name, or, I don’t know

Go ahead boys, let it flow
Just don’t eat the yellow snow

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